


Somebody Loves You

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Break Up, Relationship Discussions, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 09:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6112497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six months after her break-up with Neal, Christa is asked several questions by a patient. Questions which make her think of Neal even though their relationship is over. Will the blond resident realize how much Neal truly means to her?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody Loves You

_Somebody Loves You_

            “Have you ever felt that a person completed you, young lady?’

            Dr. Christa Lorenson turned, her eyes dropping from her chart to the patient lying in an emergency room bed. Esther Holmes had been rushed to the emergency room from complications from emphysema, but the old white-haired woman had been stabilized and was now speaking to her doctor through her oxygen mask. Christa moved slowly towards the bed, words unsaid in her throat as she tried to not think about the answer that suddenly appeared in her mind. The blond resident pushed away the memory of Neal, something close to sadness building in her chest at the thought of him. It had been six months since they had broken up – or more correctly, _she_ had broken up with him. The blond resident could still remember the pain as she walked away, her words echoing in her mind as she thought about what she had just previously seen. Christa had seen Grace holding Neal’s hand, and he had not pulled away. _“I used to be married, and had a child. I won’t be anyone’s second choice.”_ Apparently Neal had considered marriage. He had loved the woman holding in hand presently enough to want to marry her.

            Christa remembered of how a part of her wished that Neal would chase after her. She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t. _That isn’t the kind of person he is._ Before she had even had romantic feelings for the then ER attending, she had watched and noted of how Neal had worked. Weighing every option and possibility before acting. A level-headed manner with a kind presence. But the sight of Neal not letting go of Grace’s hand as she talked to him tore something in Christa. _I don’t know what we are,_ the blond resident had thought as she walked into the locker room. Her blue eyes stared vaguely at her belongings, and her fingers remained motionless on the scarf that Neal had given her.

            A scarf given to him by Grace, which he kept. And then, that he had given to her.

            It was only when she was home without a familiar presence beside her that Christa started to cry. Her tears were thick, reaching into her mouth as a silent cry eased from her lips. The heartbreak she had experienced, and continued to experience months after, remained deep in her heart. Christa supposed it was foolish of her to expect that breaking up with Neal would have caused less pain. It followed her wherever she went, reacting when she least expected it. Seeing Neal in the hallway or leaving the ER to upstairs, where he would be doing surgery. Malaya had asked about it at one point. Then, when the younger resident received no answer, the dark-haired woman had stated that Christa needed to talk to Neal. _“Pain from break-ups go both ways, Christa. He may not show it, but he’s hurting. Go to him, talk to him.”_ Christa had almost followed her friend’s advice. Almost. The thought of talking to Neal again about what they had had burned her, however. She couldn’t bear to see the pain in his eyes – but the blond resident corrected herself as she hugged the black and red scarf to her chest and cried into it, making the material soak with her tears. Christa couldn’t bear to see her pain echoed from his eyes.

            “Yes,” Christa replied. Her voice was strong, leaving no impression of heartbreak as the old patient across from her began to nod. _I’m not talking about Neal,_ Christa thought as she faintly swallowed. _I’m talking about my son._

“Would you spend your last day with that someone?”

            Christa turned sharply, almost causing the red binder to drop from her hands.

            “What?” she asked, shocked.

            “If you were to die tomorrow, and that it was the last day on earth, would you spend it with that someone?” Esther was speaking patiently, and looked toward Christa with gentleness as silence echoed in the room. Christa tried to not think. Her mind was trying to not remember the brief memories she had made with Neal – so short that she had wondered what their relationship actually had been. Waking up to find him still asleep and gently brushing her hand against the nape of his neck, almost touching his hair, as he took his hand in her own and moved it across to his chest. The way of how he smiled, the laughter appearing on his face as they kissed in his apartment. The beautiful sound that Christa inwardly knew that allowed her to fall asleep. The feeling of kissing his lips as he gave her the scarf, the material soft in her hands as Neal started to caress her hair. The memory of teasing him that there was no time for breakfast, and the only thing she wanted was right with her. The way his eyes widened when she had said those words, and of how a smile had played across Christa’s face as she moved her hands to caress his naked chest. The memory of his hesitance to sign to HR form, and now that Christa thought about, she wondered if his hesitation had to with Grace. Thinking about it late at night, as her mind refused to sleep from a rigorous code black, the blond resident thought of how devastated Neal must have been when Grace had rejected his proposal. How it must have hurt, and of how…he must have thought about how their relationship would work.

            _How could she leave him?_ Christa had thought as another tender memory of Neal surfaced in her mind. _How could she leave him? Thinking that there was something better than what she had? Something…more brilliant and amazing than the man across from her?_ Then a sob had built in Christa’s throat, almost causing laughter to tear from her lips as she realized of how hypocritical she was being. _I left him too._ The one thought caused another stream of tears from her eyes, and Christa pressed her red eyes into the scarf she was tightly holding onto.

            She remembered of how one time, Neal’s hair was slightly disarray, curly slightly as he blinked open his eyes, slightly hazy with sleep. He looked so much like a _boy_ that Christa had to laugh. She remembered of how his voice, rasp with sleep and his accent slightly thicker than normal, asking her why she was laughing. Christa had leaned her face against his, close enough to see the dark – so beautifully dark – iris of his eyes, as she told him simply, _“You.”_ The one word caused warmth to develop in her chest, so much so that Christa thought that she would faint.

            How could she have given that up?

            “My friend,” Christa started to say as her voice desperately tried not to waver. She cleared her throat, the lie almost suffocating from her lips. “Malaya, she’s very sweet, and I –”

            “Somebody loves you.”

            Esther was leaning slightly as she peered at the young doctor. Christa stared at her in shock, trying not to give away of how her heart leapt at the sound of the words. Neal’s name unintentionally echoed in her mind.

            “Somebody loves you,” Esther continued to say quietly with a glance at Christa, “and you love somebody as well.”

            “How…” Christa cleared her throat and swallowed. “How do you…?”

            Esther nonchalantly waved her hand. “I’ve lived eighty-eight years, young lady. I know what someone looks like when they’re thinking about that someone.” Her brown eyes bored into Christa’s own for a moment. “What caused the break-up to happen, dear?”

            Christa couldn’t reply for a moment. For a moment, the only thought she had was of how Neal hadn’t chased after her when she had ended the start of something. “I,” Christa started to say, feeling suddenly foolish. “His ex came back, and I didn’t know if his heart remained with her or with me.” _Stating that out loud makes me feel like a child,_ Christa thought as she attempted to speak clearly. “I don’t know why I did that,” she confessed. “Leaving him like that, when I know what it is like being left.”

            “And how did you live?” Esther asked carefully.

            Christa inwardly sighed and thought about the time when her ex-husband had left her. She had felt so numb and alone…and angry. The anger and frustration became the drive to go to medical school. The agony and grief of the loss of her son was also a reason why she had been so determined to begin a new life. _Never,_ Christa thought, slightly touching her temple, _did I think I would meet someone whose…pure existence, that at one time, I thought completed mine._

“I focused my anger and grief on going to medical school,” Christa stated honestly. Her voice was now longer weak and reedy as it had been when she talked about what she had felt when in medical school. “But now…” A deep breath escaped from her, and pain echoed in her voice as she spoke truly. “I don’t know. I don’t know,” Christa confessed. “I live moment by moment like I did when my son died, but,” she licked her lips and managed to stop a sob from building in her throat. “It’s hard, even to do that.”

            “If you were to die tomorrow, would you spend your last day with this young man?”

            Christa didn’t even have to think. An image of Neal, with a smile on his face as his eyes glowed with happiness at the sight of her, echoed in her mind.

            “Yes,” Christa stated. She reached to touch her face, and found it wet with tears. “Absolutely, yes.”

            “Well, what are you waiting for?”

            Christa stared at the elderly patient who was softly frowning at her.

            “You need to go to him, young lady. Tell him how you feel, and don’t let him go this time.”

            Christa didn’t even need to reply as she saw the smile on the old woman’s face as the blond resident turned and went to find the one person she couldn’t do without.

* * *

 

            She found him sleeping in the call room. His legs were slightly splayed against the bed, his dark blue scrubs stark against the whiteness of the sheets. For a moment, Christa simply observed him. She could see his face. Worry poured through her as she thought of how thin he looked. Dark circles appeared under his eyes, and his face was tense even in sleep. Christa swallowed, realizing again that the pain she experienced wasn’t just her own. It wasn’t normal that Neal would sleep during a shift. _Not much sleep,_ Christa thought as she softly began to stroke his face. A sudden emotion of guilt rose inside as she bit her lip. _I’m sorry, Neal._

Her fingers softly played across his face, as if wanting to memorize the structure. Eventually, they came to the nape of his neck. Christa felt a lump in her throat begin to convulse as she slowly began to stroke his hair.

            She almost removed her hand when she felt a faint movement from him Neal’s dark eyes, heavy and weary with sleep, didn’t seem to correctly register that she was there until her eyes bored into his.

            “Christa?” His voice was laced with sleep and something else, and Christa swallowed as he attempted to sit up. She wouldn’t allow him to, pressing softly against his hand as he tried. “What are you doing here?” _Why are you looking for me?_ was the unasked question, and Christa stared at Neal deeply until he was the only thing she could see.

            “I’m sorry,” was her faint reply. “I only thought about how I felt about your relationship with Grace, and not of how you felt about her coming back. Let me finish, please,” Christa faintly pleaded as Neal opened his mouth to speak. He nodded. “I didn’t think about the pain you must have felt, what we _both_ felt at one time, and I gave up.” Christa slowly started to stroke his hair again, the thick strands so achingly familiar the blond resident wanted to weep. “I gave up on _us_ , and I’m sorry for that.”

            “I wasn’t honest with you,” Neal replied as Christa moved closer to him. Close enough so that she could see the dark iris of his eyes. “With Grace, or of how I truly feel about you.”

            It wasn’t in past tense. Christa felt a faint sense of hope as she looked at Neal, waiting for him to continue. The attending didn’t reply for a moment. He only looked at her. Then, his gentle hands removed hers from his hair and lifted her hand in his own, so that she was standing. Christa saw of how Neal moved aside, and she allowed herself to softly cry as their bodies pressed together again.

            So close, like before.

            “You are my world, Christa.” Neal spoke slowly as his dark eyes stared at Christa’s face. His expression was genuine, and his touch was tender as fingers began to softly stroke her own. His voice thickened with emotion, staring at her. “My entire world is in my arms.”

            “If I…” Christa whispered, tears falling from her cheeks as heavy emotion filled in her chest, robbing her of the control she had desperately held together the past six months, “If I were to die tomorrow, I would choose to spend it with you, Neal.”

            She pressed her forehead against his, her tears falling on his face as she spoke, mixing with his own.

            “Only you. Neal,” Christa whispered, a lump building in her throat and laughter bubbling in her chest at the thought that she was with the person she desired most again. “I choose you.”

            The two held each other as their breathing evened out. There was something precious about sharing air with a person that you loved so much. Christa and Neal didn’t move, not wanting to let go of each other. Soon, both of them fell asleep, their eyes closing as a peaceful expression came across their faces as their foreheads touched.

            They were exactly where they were supposed to be.


End file.
